Instant Happiness

Much of humankind spends a lot of time historically; that is they think about the past and what went wrong, regretting their actions, etc.....you know, the yucky stuff. Not that they are never happy, but wouldn't you like to be happy more often?

How about in an instant? How about instant happiness?

Often we have yucky thoughts that cause us to feel yucky. Remember that our language is the mirror of our mind and thoughts have power. Words fire off biochemicals in the brain. Therefore, simply put, yucky words create yucky feelings; happy words create happy feelings. We all get to choose.

My husband, Dr. Dave Dobson often said, "The most important thing in life is awareness." So become friendlier with your hard drive (your brain) and notice when yucky words or pictures show up. It's your brain after all and you are in charge of it.

"If you always focus on negative things, you'll feel bad. If you start to look for solutions that are different and better, that's the way your world will become. This is not "positive thinking", its brain science". Dr. Richard Bandler

Here are a few suggestions for instant happiness:

1. Interrupt the yucky pattern by saying "cancel that" or "stop", take a deep breath, exhale slowly and ask a great question like, "How can I feel better right now?" Or "What's the best thing for me to do right now?" Or, "How can I be happier?" Choose some great questions of your own. What's amazing is that you begin to get answers on how you can be happier.

Some of us think more in pictures. So we create a yucky picture and feel yucky.

Here are a few suggestions for instant happiness:

Some of us think more in pictures. So we create a yucky picture and feel yucky.

2. Experiment with this. Be as aware of your pictures as you are of your language. So what can you do? Push the picture off into the distance; make it smaller, dim, and defocused. Now don't you feel better? Some of my clients blow it up or shatter it.

3. How about making a happy list? It's a valuable exercise. Start listing the things that you enjoy or make you happy....everything from very small things to really big ones. For example, the colors red and purple make me happy. Piloting a plane makes me happy. Some examples are sunrises, flowers, trees, dinner with friends, doing a good job at work, travel, etc. Make your list. Imagine there are no limits and make the longest list you can. My friend, Tony Robbins once told me I had the longest happy list he'd seen. Once you have the list, keep adding to it and look at it often.

4. So, you might ask, "What about yucky feelings?" Instead of looking for the source (which is your thoughts or pictures of something yucky) interrupt the pattern by using one of the suggestions given in this article and simply move. Motion changes our state of mind and our feelings.

5. When you have a happy experience or feel absolutely awesome, memorize it and simply touch your forefinger and thumb together. That's an anchor that you can replicate and feel better in an instant.

6. Before you go to sleep at night, do and experiment and tell your Other Than ConsciousTM mind you want more instant happiness. Don't be surprised if you discover more ways to feel happy or you start feeling happier for no particular reason.

What's wonderful is just as you have the ability to remember yucky; you have the ability to remember happy. It's your choice.....yuck or instant happiness.

(c)Barbara J. Stepp, CEO Excellence Quest, Licensed NLP(R), DHE(R), Master Trainer,

Clinical Hypnotherapist, OTCCTM, NFPTM

April 22-28 NLP Practitioner Certification Course in Chicago

May 8-12 Dave Dobson's Hypnosis OTCCTM Fun Shop in Chicago

Join us! 773-857-0777 mind@excelquest.com

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In Love With Mom Boyfriend

" R DON STEELE IS THE FAMED AUTHOR OF" TO DATE YOUNG WOMEN: FOR MEN OVER 35, BODY LANGUAGE "AND" MANS GUIDE TO "AND HAS PROVIDED HIS DATING EXPERTISE IN OVER 400 RADIO INTERVIEWS. WITH A NO-NONSENSE APPROACH TO THE DATING WORLD, R DON STEELE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS AND HELPS MEN FIND THE WOMEN THEY WANT EVERY TIME.

READER QUESTION #1: IN LOVE WITH MOMS BOYFRIEND

I am in love with my mother's boyfriend. Wow, that looks terrible written down. But I am, and I am pretty sure he is in love with me.

I am 24, he is 45 and my mom is 51. When I returned from college and met him, I was taken by him instantly and just knew I had to have him.

Well, we've been "SEEING EACH OTHER" for 3 months and he wants to stop seeing my mom but I don't know how to tell her without breaking her heart.

He has already asked me to move in with him but I just don't know how we'll be able to carry on once everything is out in the open. Do you think I should let this guy go or should I pursue a relationship even though it will really hurt my mother?

"SARA"

R. DON STEELES ANSWER:

Let him go? Where do you think he will go? There is no letting go. You and he are joined at the hips, so to pun. I see no options other than moving in with him after your mother is informed as to what the situation is.

I have no idea what will happen after you and he tell her. You have betrayed your mother in her eyes, your own eyes and in his eyes.

He has betrayed your mother in your eyes and your mother's and in his. You both had better sleep lightly with Kevlar vests when you go out. Hell hath no fury like a mother scorned.

Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Adam Gilad - Interview With John Benson

Rosa Nouchette Carey - Lover Or Friend

Clifford - Interview With Brian

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Tmclark

THOMAS MARTIN CLARK and MILDRED MOORMAN by Linda Sparks Starr APR 1997Thomas Martin CLARK was the son of Micajah Clark Jr. and Mildred(Martin) and grandson of Micajah Clark Sr. and Judith (Adams),proven by Albemarle Co. VA Pretend Show 9, area 487, not worth it 9 OCT1788: "...being the Awfully [tract] that the Made-up Thomas MartinClark Claims under his late Lead Micaj Clark Junr boring...& also amid... which the Made-up Thomas M. Clark had of hisMagnificent edge Micaj Clark Senr..." Surrounded by the exception of his marriage liaison, he always used his sensitivity budding or full name on official archives.Thomas's unattached birthdate, 13 JAN 1762, comes from John Cheerfulwho doesn't cite his source. It is half supported by Albemarle Co. Pretend Show 8, area 149 which proves Thomas "at negligible"21 years old by 23 JUL 1784 the same as he purchased land. Willa MacCoulter gives 13 JAN 1772 as the birthdate for Mildred "Milly"Moorman (area 312" Families of Rev. War Patriots ) for which she credits Mr. Evarts English--no get well annals. Mildred "Milly" MOORMAN was the child of Andrew Moorman andJudith (Clark) proven by Campbell Co. VA marriage liaison on whichAndrew Moorman gave concur for their marriage. Assist sign isbasis confidential the official statement (ANDREW.txt) on Andrew d.1791. The copyof the marriage liaison I usual from Campbell Co. Courthouse isnot worth it 22 DEC 1787; the concur "appears" to be not worth it 24 DEC. HerUncle Jesse Moorman was deposit for Thomas and "their" UncleJames Clark witnessed Andrew's concur. They either had worthless from the Quakers preceding to their marriage,or this was a case of "love over religion" for they possibly will notget married confidential the Quaker trust. They were especially compactly kin than"first cousins". His edge and her father were siblings; theircommon grandmother, Judith (Adams) Clark was a sister of Milly'sprotective grandmother, Elizabeth (Adams) Moorman. Additionally,Thomas' protective grandmother, Anne (Moorman) Martin, was a sibling of Achilles Moorman, Milly's protective grandfather. The marriage liaison is sign they married float up the Quaker church. Pure despite the fact that he witnessed a Quaker marriage in 1795 at South FlowPublication Confab [Bell's Our Quaker Contacts of Ye Antediluvian Grow old], he owned slaves the same as he died 1811--further sign of their break with the Quakers. May 4, 1787 Thomas was taxed for himself, four carry and foursell per 1787 Ask of VA: Campbell Co. by Yantis & Admiration. He lived in "Tax List A" province, as did various added CLARKs andMOORMANs. The only ask for fit we've basis for him in CampbellZone is not worth it 26 SEP 1788 [Goings-on Show 1784-1790, area 312] for330 acres from Charles and Jane "Jenny" Gilbert; the land is onboth sides of the south shot of Seneca Fjord. Yet, he and Millyare "of Albemarle Co." in OCT 1788 the same as they sold all their Albemarle holdings to William Clark and William Clark Jr. [PretendShow 9, pages 486-7]"Thomas M. Clark Gent" is basis in unlike 1790s events the same as hewas well thought-out to regard dower releases from wives powerless to top to the courthouse. [ Campbell Co. VA Goings-on 1790-"by TLC.] ThisSUGGESTS he was a Justice of the Day, but I don't regard get wellsign and my opinion is based on society of the colonial period. Thomas is reported a supporting of the Care for of Burgesses in 1790's. That information MAY BE based on the term "Gent" used in the fitarchives. In any scene, the Care for of Burgesses ceased to be there inVA in 1776 (Concept Bk Ency). I haven't seen a list of Delegates to the VA Care for from Campbell Co. in this time make. I'm still partial copies of land ask for events by Thomas M. andMilly; my manage events speculative book ends in 1796. They sold 1,050acres to be found on Small amount Seneca Fjord to William Moore JUN 1809and modern 200 acres on Pasting Fjord to John Poindexter. So we differentiate they departed Virginia no subsequent than summer 1809. That thisis the actual couple who subsequent get to your feet in Breckinridge Co. KYarchives is proven by the negro girl "Fanny" resolved to Mildred inher father's VA will 1791; "Fanny" appears stuck between the slaves fromhome of Thomas M. Clark sold in Breckinridge Co. KY 1817. Forintroduce somebody to an area of you who muscle want "especially" sign, added Campbell and Bedford Co. populace made the actual trek in the actual time make.Thomas M. Clark purchased land on Hardin's Fjord in BreckinridgeCo. KY from George Claycomb per Pretend Show M, area 301; but, weregard no unattached date for instance the new fit was not filed inthe quad cut up. In 1818 the heirs of Geo. Claycomb deeded thoughtland to heirs of Thomas Clark. By later no one remembered theunattached day of the transaction. The first "near" in bad repair we regard in KY is the 1810 Breckin-projection Co. Ask. [My information comes from SAR application ofJohn William Clark, uncle of Kay Baganoff]: Thomas M. Clark andcompanion are revealed with two males and 6 females plus five slaves. The 1820 interview shows Mildred Clark as pioneer of family consisting ofone male 10-16 years (Thomas R.), 1 female 10-16 (Betsey); 1female 16-26 (Matilda) and 1 female 45 (Mildred)Thomas died forward 12 OCT 1811 [proven by Pretend Show C] forMildred Clark and William B. Clark are named administrators ofhis home. His damage (or incapacitation) may regard come earlier: Mildred, considerably of Thomas M., consented for childMildred to get married 30 MAY 1811 (per Breckenridge Wedding Store). Mildred (Moorman) Clark manage appears on the 1820 census; however, multiply of Thomas' lands didn't begin until late 1830s, suggesting she lived longer. Substitute chance is, so plentifulkin died rejection minors, the delay was waiting for thegrandchildren to clash with adulthood. InfantileSeven kin are proven by the occurrence filed April 23, 1817, andrecorded in Breckenridge Co. Knee Element Show #3, area 363:Calvin Hendrick & companion vs Wm B Clark, Eliza Clark & Defendants.This occurrence also "proves" that all but William B. and Mildred (nowHendrick) were under 21 on this date. Biology would Signal added kin died young.(1) WILLIAM B. b. c1788/9 married 11 APR 1811 Eleanor PATE (dauof Edward PATE and Mary CRAWFORD) per Breckenridge WeddingStore. He died fall 1818 rejection three young daus. Onechild m. the youngest MILLER brother [my husband's line];modern the brother of sisters who were second wives of MILLERbrothers with CLARK first wives.(2) MILDRED married Calvin Hendricks 30 MAY 1811 (per Breck. Marriage Store); concur resolved by father Milly Clark was witnessed by "uncle/brother" Andrew Moorman. The marriage was performed byJames H. L. Moorman. [This Calvin is the son of BernardHendricks and Care Goode; it's his nephew, Calvin, whomarried Nancy MILLER, sister of John and Michael per Leslie Alden] Mildred (Clark) Hendricks died 3 OCT 1873 Meade Co. KY perJohn Cheerful without power.(3) Eliza b. some time ago APR 1796 d. 1824/5 per John Cheerful andE.B.Englis--neither provides annals, but her husband didregard a second companion (that marriage date is not vetoed either.)Eliza married John "Jack" Miller, (son of Christopher "Christley" and Sarah Jane In short supply) some time ago 23 APR 1817 but forward 15 JUN 1818per Knee Element Show documents. In spite of everything, John Cheerful gives 18MAR 1817 for marriage, but without annals. That she is the companion of John Miller is proven by Day Element Show, area 291. (4) Matilda b. connecting 1796 and 1804; the manage in bad repair we regard on her is 1820 census; her father's land was not speaking 7 ways appellationing she was still income (or departed heirs) by late 1830s.(5) Nancy b. some time ago APR 1796. Her name is manage basis in 1824archives. She married 31 JAN 1820 Michael MILLER, son of"Christley". Once more, the unattached date comes from John Jolly;Michael, too, had a second companion.(6) Thomas R. b. some time ago 1804 d. ca1827 per John Cheerful. Hemarried Margaret Seaton. (Kay Baganoff's line).(7) Elizabeth "Betsey" b. some time ago 1804. Her name is "Betsey" inKnee Day Bk p. 362 but "Elizabeth" in Day Baby Bk p243the same as brother William B. was scheduled her protection. This is manage in bad repair we've to be found on her; she, too, prospective income 1830s.

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Why Intelligent Women Make Excellent Lovers

"High-pitched woman are great in bed"

Tang women are hot and impart is a elucidation men love them. They are authoritarian and frosty, what energy makes a woman greater frosty than knowing she is intelligent. They are funny, and fun to be regarding. But men besides know that smart women make marvelous lovers.

THEY ARE Easily hurt OF THEIR BODIES

High-pitched women are very insomniac of their bodies. They know what turns them on, and what turns them off. They know how to make themselves orgasm, and they attach no uncertainty about telling a man how to make them orgasm. For them, sex is a way to be pleasured and isn't in the course of just what a man wants it. They cover being wanted by men, but they cover the exact act of sex the upper limit what they know what it takes to make them closing moments.

THEY ARE Assertive IN Bountiful WAYS

An intelligent woman uses her confidence in the bedroom. She is not in simple terms scared and she will tell you what she wants, with she wants it. This type of confidence is abnormally luscious with the woman wants to try new stuff that upper limit childhood women would be too out of your depth to try. Capacious toys, role playing and bondage are all something she feels long-awaited with what with a woman is jump about herself it is hard to make her out of your depth, perpendicular with taboo sexual stuff.

THEY ARE Unrestricted

"They are fair and can pass on care of themselves"

High-pitched women love to feel wanted for greater than their beware at times, but she will not depend on you to tell her how sex require go, what she require take to turn you on, or how plain she require get with you. She knows these stuff earlier than and she will use them without you perpendicular having to note them. She will get you aroused with her intention long otherwise you enter the bedroom, and as a result she will show you the time of your life.

SHE IS Under Physical GET CLINGY

High-pitched women brusquely do not get clingy. In the wake of sex they may want to call together (who doesn't like that at some time, right) but they won't need you to tell them they did a good job or make them feel fetch. In the function of you see each childhood at the fork the impending day and you are talking to another woman, she I assume won't get jealous and start a scuffle. The elucidation is what intelligent women are smart lots to know they are a transport, and they don't garage sale with acting or relationship issues lightheartedly. They use their beware to fix these stuff, rather than cat-fights.

Doubt having sex with a woman that knows her body, that knows how to turn you on, that isn't afraid to attach fun, and doesn't get clingy with you. That sounds like a dream come true, right? This is very feasible with an intelligent woman and it's one of the masses reasons men fall for them. They make well-known lovers in bed, and they can bring about your mind with it's time to keep your costume on.

The occupation Why High-pitched Women Take Abundant Lovers appeared first on.

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Success Principle Build You Career On Strengths Not Weaknesses

BUILD YOUR CAREER ON STRENGTHS NOT WEAKNESSES

I have a cousin who was a skilled, talented ARTIST in high school. Whenever he was painting a portrait, he would be playing his favorite rock band and be singing and dancing along all at the same time!

One thing led to another, and his "artistic skills flourished into an entrepreneurial side business" and he started selling his portraits to supermarket chains!

Then it was time for college and his parents insisted on him choosing a career like "building engineering" that promised a stable income with lots of growth potentials vs. that of an entrepreneurial artist.

"So, he dropped his childhood love and work in "drawing, painting and the arts" and became a college educated "Building Engineer".

However, as the years rolled by, his passion, motivation and drive in all things termed work seemed to dry up and he started struggling with basic things that you probably take for granted like "FINDING OR KEEPING A JOB".

SO, WHAT WENT WRONG? My cousin is still struggling with his career in "building engineering" today though he was a successful teenager / young adult as an artist?

I FEEL STRONGLY THAT MY COUSIN MISSED HIS REAL LIFE WORK BECAUSE OF A LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF "THE STRENGTHS VS. WEAKNESSES PRINCIPLE" or orient his career around his natural passion, strengths and motivations.

"That is why I am dedicating the rest of this article to helping you, identify and work with your strengths instead of your weaknesses!"

MY FRIEND, CAREER SUCCESS DOES NOT COME FROM ARBITRARY COLLEGE DEGREES OR CERTIFICATIONS (NO MATTER HOW MANY) except if those qualifications actually enhance your natural talents and abilities!

Knowing what you're really good at doing vs. what you struggle with is key to evaluating or choosing your "authentic work, vocation or career".

SO, WITHOUT MUCH ADO, HERE ARE THREE (3) SIMPLE EXERCISE THAT WILL HELP YOU IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS VS. YOUR WEAKNESSES

HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY STRENGTHS VS. WEAKNESSES?

STRENGTHS VS. WEAKNESSES

Your strengths are talents or abilities "YOU NATURALLY EXCEL AT". They are" dominant thinking, feeling and doing patterns" that come naturally for you. So, you grow stronger and feel more energized when you spend time working on your strengths.

On the other hand, weaknesses seem to drain you and no matter how much you work at them, you don't feel energized or improve much.

Because a weakness when utilized leaves your feeling like you were swimming against the current!

"Another way to think of this is the answer to the question how much do you enjoy being at your company's parties?"

If you enjoy being at corporate parties and you hang around until the lights are almost switched off on you then you are probably an extrovert in your natural habitat.

If on the other hand, you want to leave the party before everyone else is ready to leave or when you get home, you feel drained of energy you are probably an introvert and parties are NOT YOUR FAVORITE THING!

FOR THE REST OF THE ARTICLE, I WANT YOU TO DO THIS get a pen and paper and list your responses to the questions, ideas and tips presented.

*

IDENTIFY THE ACTIVITIES YOU ENJOY DOING

DO WHAT YOU LOVE

What are the activities and tasks that you feel deeply immersed-in, involved-in, or deeply engaged with when you perform them at home or work?

This is in contrast to activities that you feel dis-engaged, distracted or disinterested with (your weaknesses) when you perform them?

Don't take too long to analyze these activities, instead, write down you initial and automatic response to the activity as you think about it

Focus on activities that you feel happy about undertaking and / or leave you with a feeling of satisfaction.

Make a list of these activities using verbs to describe your strengths such as planning, writing, developing, analyzing. A sentence in your list may look like I feel fulfilled when I write a program or I am deeply immersed when I am painting.

*

STEP AWAY FROM YOUR JOB TITLE FOR A MOMENT

IS TUNNEL VISION KILLING YOUR CAREER?

Our job titles do not always accurately identify all that we can do, are doing right now or are capable of doing.

Rather, our "job titles" creates in us, the type of tunnel vision that imprisons our creativity and further entraps our talents. So, for this exercise, "VISUALIZE YOUR CAREER WITHOUT THE ENTRAPMENT OF YOUR JOB TITLE"!

Having done that. identify and list past tasks and projects you excelled at, enjoyed doing, received compliments or positive feedback for, amazed others, received awards or recognition for.

Make a list of these tasks or projects using sentences like "nominated for the "best programmer award" because of a data capturing program that I wrote in '08.

READ THIS ARTICLE: "Is Tunnel Vision Killing My Career" on the dangers of "Tunnel Vision"

*

EVALUATE YOUR SKILLS, EXPERIENCE BACKGROUND

WHICH CERTIFICATIONS ARE HELPFUL?

As a career coach, I advice lots of folks some with multiple post-graduate degrees and of course certifications. I also know individuals who are successful at mid-level management, senior management and even C-Level / Executive positions without a college degree!

IN ALL THESE POSITIONS, WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS THE INDIVIDUAL'S ABILITY TO PERFORM ON THE JOB. Performance matters because the prevailing wisdom in the Information Technology (IT) industry, is that "YOUR PAST PERFORMANCE IS THE BEST PREDICTOR OF YOUR FUTURE PERFORMANCE"!

Some ignore this wisdom and put their focus on: "EXAMS, CERTIFICATIONS, COLLEGE DEGREES, ETC" which they hope to put on their resume and therefore "magically guarantee their success (or so they think)"!

BUT DON'T YOU BELIEVE THAT JUNK! Success is a product of your performance, "passion / motivation / drive" and plain, unvarnished hard-work!

Now, am I saying that you are only qualified for jobs / careers that you performed well in the past?

NO, CERTAINLY NOT! What I am saying is that you should evaluate your work / career for patterns of excellence because those provide you with insights on how to achieve future career success!

SO, FOR THIS EXERCISE, I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO EVALUATE YOUR SKILLS, EXPERIENCE AND BACKGROUND (EDUCATION, QUALIFICATION, CERTIFICATIONS) FOR EVIDENCE OF STRONG PERFORMANCE.

OVERCOME LACK OF EXPERIENCE

*

WHAT HAVE YOU RECEIVED PRAISE FOR? List every activity that you've performed and for which you received praise.

Now, answer the question: "What are the skills used in each of these activities?" Where you drawing, analyzing data, speaking in front of a group, etc.?

*

WHAT TESTS / CERTIFICATIONS HAVE YOU TAKEN? List every test / certification you've taken in the past.

Now, answer the question: "Which of these tests / certifications can you use to perform a task or get some work done excellently / successfully?".

*

WHICH SKILLS / STRENGTHS ARE YOU IGNORING? Many times, we are disconnected from the significance of our skills / strengths and "here are a few examples to illustrate the point":

*

AS A CUSTOMER SERVICE REP., you employ "great communication, negotiation and customer service" skills, yet you feel disqualified from applying to business analyst positions because in your mind, the paper qualifications you lack out-weigh the communication skills you will bring to the BA position.

*

AS A QUALITY ASSURANCE PERSONNEL, you employ "fantastic, code analysis and scripting skills", yet you feel disqualified from applying to computer programmer positions because in your mind, your lack of a formal computer science college degree out-weighs your natural ability to think logically which in reality is key to success in programming positions.

*

AS A RECEPTIONIST, you spend the time in between phone calls creating power point presentations, "preparing charts and graphs and other key reports for your management", yet you are convinced that becoming a data analyst is a pipe dream because of a lack of formal certifications!

"NOW, GO PUT YOUR STRENGTHS TO WORK:" Make a list of all the activities you identified in these exercise as your strengths and then start using them on a daily basis!GO PUT YOUR STRENGTHS TO WORK

Marcus Buckingham author of "Go Put Your Strengths to Work: 6 Powerful Steps to Achieve Outstanding Performance" has this to say: Research data show that most people do not come close to making full use of their assets at work -- in fact, only 17 percent of the workforce believe they use all of their strengths on the job "

Now you know another success principle: "truly sustainable success is founded upon identifying your strengths, developing them to the point of excellence and then putting each of them to work KEEP IT NOT TO YOURSELF", rather, "USE IT TO HELP OR SERVE OTHERS" and you will discover the secret of career success!

WHAT IS THE TOUGHEST CHALLENGE FACING YOUR CAREER?

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Walking The Matador Walk To Have A Great Relationship And Marriage

Your attitude toward your life, your relationship, and everything else may be more of a determinant of how well they go than the actual effort you put into them. Understand this thoroughly before doing anything else, because you can program yourself for failure even easier than you can program yourself for success, especially in your relationship, because it's the most emotional issue most of us face every day.I hope you are enjoying your day, safely of course, but with gusto! Wherever you are, and whatever you are doing, I hope you are doing it well and enjoying it, expecting it to work out for you.Speaking of which, a letter caught my eye last night that triggered a huge rush of analysis and coaching, and I need to share it with you. Meet Marcus:Good evening David,I just finished reading "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage" and I must say I see many things that I can improve on. It certainly looks like you've done your homework, and now I have to do mine and make things happen. Wish me luck, because if this doesn't work, I'm screwed!Thanks so much!MarcusThat last sentence set off alarms and started red flags waving immediately. I wrote the following to Marcus to help him get things in perspective and keep him from tripping himself up:Hi Marcus!Congratulations on making it this far; so many people know they have problems but wallow in them instead of fixing them for a variety of reasons, none of them good. If you see what you have to do, you're already way ahead of the game, because many people's first reaction is denial; they don't want to accept that they have caused their problems through the choices they've made, which keeps them from realizing that fixing their problems is also a matter of choice and entirely within their control.I needed to write to you to warn you about something that you did that may seem trivial at first glance but is indeed self-destructive. In the last sentence of your letter, you said to me, "Wish me luck, because if this doesn't work, I'm screwed!" Take a closer look at this with me...First, you don't need luck. You've recognized your problem, sought and found help, defined the various components of your problem and have solutions to apply to them that have worked for many other people under similar circumstances. In short, you have the tools, and now must simply use them to enjoy success.Next, and possibly even more important, is the phrase "If this doesn't work, I'm screwed!" Do you realize what you're saying here? First, you're focused on the possibility of failure instead of the likelihood of your success. Then, to make matters worse, you've violated the first rule of self-programming: never use negative language when talking about yourself or your life. Why is that important?One of the most brilliant men I've ever met, Maxwell Maltz, wrote about it in his most excellent book, "Psychocybernetics," in which he describes a subconscious mechanism that automatically and constantly works to move you toward whatever you are focused on. Whether you focus on failure or success, that's where it takes you. And there's an even uglier part of that at work here...The subconscious mind does not process negations! For instance, if I say, "I must not fear," the subconscious processes that as "I must fear;" hence what you should say in that case is "I must be brave." Now look at what you said: "If this doesn't work, I'm screwed." Your subconscious hears that as "If this DOES work, I'm screwed!" That's a pretty nasty thought, isn't it?You have the tools, and you know they've worked for many others. Use them with the expectation that they will work for you, too. If you've ever watched a bullfight, even in a movie, you will have noticed how the matador always walks around the ring with the bull acting as if he has already won. Walk the matador's walk! Know that you will succeed because there is no other possible outcome if you merely apply what you have at your disposal.In your case, it's a fixed fight, because what you are working with are triggers to involuntary behavior in her and the scoop on all her best-kept secrets, all the things that she talks about with her girlfriends behind your back and more! All you have to do is learn, think things through, and then follow through.Take care, and keep in touch,DavidWell, Gents, there's very little that I could add to that, so I will simply invite you to join Marcus and many others in learning and employing the knowledge in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," which you should download right now at http://www.makingherhappy.com, because if you'll look at the calendar, summer is almost gone (for those of us in the northern hemisphere, and the winter holidays are fast approaching. What better gift could you give both yourself and your wife than a new and improved YOU?In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!David Cunningham"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham

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