1) Adj. SUBMISSIVE - inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people"
UNASSERTIVE - inclined to timidity or lack of self-confidence; "a shy unassertive person"
OBEDIENT - dutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority; "an obedient soldier"; "obedient children"; "a little man obedient to his wife"; "the obedient colonies...are heavily taxed; the refractory remain unburdened"- Edmund Burke
HUMBLE - marked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful; "a humble apology"; "essentially humble...and self-effacing, he achieved the highest formal honors and distinctions"- B.K.Malinowski (source)
2) adjective: meek, passive, obedient, compliant, patient, resigned, yielding, accommodating, humble, subdued, lowly, abject, amenable, docile, dutiful, ingratiating, malleable, deferential, pliant, obsequious, uncomplaining, tractable, acquiescent, biddable, unresisting, bootlicking (informal), obeisant. Most doctors want their patients to be submissive.
antonym: difficult, awkward, stubborn, intractable, unyielding, obstinate, headstrong, uncooperative, disobedient (source).
3) Definition: allowing others to have control over you; 2. willing to submit to the wishes of others
Synonyms: compliant, acquiescent, docile, meek, obedient, passive, servile
Antonyms: domineering, controlling, oppressive
Usage Examples:
The submissive woman let her overbearing husband control her. (docile, meek, passive). The submissive servant did exactly what he was told. (obedient, compliant). BECAUSE SHE HAD A SUBMISSIVE PERSONALITY, SHE ALWAYS WENT ALONG WITH WHAT OTHERS WANTED TO DO. (PASSIVE, DOCILE, COMPLIANT). I don't like her submissive manner, and I SOMETIMES WISH SHE WOULD JUST STAND UP FOR HERSELF. (meek, servile, acquiescent) (source)
I'm feeling kind of weird right now (negative comments will be deleted and not read so don't even bother). I'm worried that I'm too submissive/passive and that explains some negative experiences I've had in the past and recently. It's not like it's ruined my life or anything, but it kind of gets you to agree to things you don't want to if someone pressures you enough. You feel like saying "no" isn't an option or that the consequences would be worse if you did refuse. But after you do whatever it is you feel mad at yourself for giving up and not protecting your best interests and angry at the other person for pressuring you. You end up feeling powerless, weak, and not even an adult because this submissive response pattern just sneaks up on you, unless you are on guard and expecting to be pressured to do something (Note it's very hard to be on guard when you really care about someone, you trust them, or you have been drinking).
You see or hear of other women who always think they are right or refuse to listen to anyone else and wonder how they can be so loud with their opinions when it's so possible they could be wrong or hypocritical? How do you know you are not making a fool of yourself or if your opinions/behaviour isn't really abnormal and there is something wrong with you? It's like they were wronged before and they developed this hard shell of grandiosity but I just don't have that. I know a lot of things but I know I don't know everything, and we don't even know how much we don't know. Why are these women so sure they know what is right? Why do they respond so quickly instead of taking the time to think, agree to disagree, or just accept that there is no definitive answer? I am open to listening to different points of view before deciding on controversial things, I am open to hearing the advice of those with experience, and I defer to the expertise of those who have worked longer in my field. There is a fear of being wrong so until I am sure I'll state my opinion but there is always room to be convinced otherwise. Is it easier to be this way or easier to just say "I know in my gut I'm right and that other person is not as smart as I am"?
I've always been like this but I've still managed to become successful and stay out of trouble. Being submissive is a feminine trait but not something I had to learn and I don't love it. It's just something some people are while others are more dominant. In some areas people can be dominant (e.g., at work) but very submissive in romantic relationships. It's weird that way. I knew I was passive and not very defensive when given constructive feedback from those with more experience/training, but being submissive kind of explains a lot of things. Whenever I'm angry at someone it often gets turned inwards as self-criticism or self-doubt (good grief...just like in this post) or I do something passive-aggressive (e.g., like writing this post). I know how to be assertive but I just didn't remember it when I needed it. I am angry now but I can't turn back time.
This is strong language but I HATE people who keep pressuring you and wear you down for their own selfish needs. They will convince you that you are crazy, deficient, insecure, a prude, or otherwise flawed for not doing what they want or for not agreeing with them (I have learned this is called gaslighting; Article1 really good read, Article 2). I think this is why I want a prestigious and successful man because then I would be able to trust his decision making more. I wouldn't have to worry that my submissive/passive nature will lead to our downfall because he had poor character and a history of poor decisions. To prevent this from happening I am careful choosing men and my standards are high because this is the only way I can influence who has power over me. I don't want to be led astray or hurt by the wrong person. I know a prestigious man can still hurt me, but at least I could look back and know I chose someone who didn't have glaring red flags. Maybe that's why I don't like men who are too masculine and dominant because I couldn't stand up for myself with them in the past.
I have to work on being more assertive and less submissive. This will actually be going against my nature and trying to be something I'm not but this is what's encouraged by most people. It's easier sometimes to let people control you, but if they make you do things you don't want you feel horrible after. There is such a thing as being too submissive/passive. I wrote about this before in my post about Assertiveness Training for Black Women...I need to read that again.
0 comments:
Post a Comment