Feeling Very Anxious About Husband Leaving

About a month ago, my husband found out I was having an online emotional affair with someone.To give some background... I have been suffering from depression for years and years. I had been on a combination of 3 different meds which seemed to help a lot. But then we moved. We moved from MA to upstate NY. We weren't happy in MA for a variety of reasons. We thought a move might help. We chose upstate NY to be near husband's family for more support. And my husband was supposed to get an almost guaranteed job at my BIL's work. Well, BIL got offered a better job he couldn't refuse. So he had to look for another job. We are in the middle of nowhere so jobs are hard to come by. He had to take a job that doesn't pay very well. We are barely making ends meet. We can't afford health insurance so I had to wean myself off of my meds. I am trying to get onto public assistance for insurance I'm just waiting to hear back.

So here I am....just moved to the area...in the middle of nowhere. Dealing with severe depression. It takes forever to get anywhere around here. It seems like such a huge chore to go anywhere, especially when you can barely get yourself out of bed in the morning. So I find myself at home (my SIL's home by the way since we can't afford to move) with my 2 yr old. I feel so lonely and isolated. Not to mention that I've felt very disconnected from husband for the past few years. Then a man from our past starts chatting with me on FB. Its started off very innocently at first. And I was so lonely that I loved the "companionship" even it was online. Then something changed and we both could tell that we had more feelings for each other than just friends. I knew it was wrong but I was in deep...I was falling in love. I had felt so disconnected from my husband for so long that I forgot that my marriage was worth fighting for. I even talked to other man about separating from my husband. I started writing a letter to my husband about wanting to talk about it.

Fast forward to a month ago. My husband is in the Army National Guard. He went away for his weekend drill. When he came home, he was looking on my computer for a document and came across my letter I had started. He mentioned this to my SIL and she said "who is so-and-so?" She has apparently seen something on my laptop one day which I leave on the kitchen table. I had left FB open and a message from the other man popped up. He woke me up and confronted me. I told him everything. We talked...really talked which we hadn't done is soooo long. He made me realize that our marriage and family were worth fighting for and he was willing to give me another chance.

Its been a long and emotional month. But now he has to go away again for National Guard duty. I'm really dreading him not being here. I'm not feeling very comfortable around his sister and BIL yet. And usually during the day is just torture for me because I feel so alone. But I can get through it because I know that he will be home eventually after work. And my depression has been off the charts because I'm off my meds and I'm going through withdrawl from my relationship with the other man and the companionship it brought. I'm trying so hard to forget about him so I can move on and try to restore my marriage but its so hard. I haven't contacted the other man which I give myself props for cuz I want to.

Thanks for reading.

Credit: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com